Growing up in the church and having been going for many years, it’s impossible to not have heard the verse quoted from the Bible about “Your will be done.”
And rightfully so, of course.
It was Jesus who voiced these words in the Garden of Gethsemane when he was praying shortly before he would be arrested and sentenced to death.
I spent most of my life hearing this phrase, and the “good Christian” inside of me nodded my head enthusiastically approving of the concept. Of course I wanted His will to be done, He was God after all, and I was…not.
But there’s one thing I’ve come to understand more this year after coming back to my faith and really pressing deeper into a stronger prayer life. That thing is this: Your will be done is a lot easier in theory than in practice. Especially in a situation where you find that your will and His will don’t exactly align.
When it’s something that really matters to you, this phrase takes on a whole new meaning.
Prayer is About Relationship
The amazing ability we have to talk with the God of the Universe is truly a miracle, and it’s a way He created for us to have a relationship with Him. I know this one is easy to throw around, we’ve probably heard it often in sermons, books, podcasts, etc.
Even with knowing this, often my prayer time becomes a time of listing off my needs, wants, desires as well as that of others. I spend a lot of time in prayer asking for things from God.
I’m not sure that I spend enough time just talking to God.
Most of us go on auto-pilot when it comes to prayer, and we start to treat God more like a genie than our Savior, Father or friend. We rattle off the things we desire or need and, more often than not, expect that He will come through on those things. And when He doesn’t…we become frustrated and disappointed, as if us asking them in prayer demands that they be answered in the way we want them to and when we want them to.
If you think about it though, what makes a good relationship or friendship with anyone? What comes to mind is talking and spending time in each other’s presence. If I only went to my friends when I needed something, I think they might start getting the wrong idea about our relationship.
I often wonder how God must feel when He wants to spend quality time with us. He wants to hear about our day, wants to hear what’s on our mind or what’s keeping us up at night. And instead of coming to Him like we would a friend, we show up to ask for things we want or only come to Him when things get hard.
And that’s not to say that God needs a relationship with us, but rather that He wants one.
God really loves us. He loves you no matter if you spend time with Him or not. But I imagine that it must bring Him so much joy when we choose to willingly spend time with Him because we love Him and not because we want something.
To spend time in His presence through prayer and stillness also brings us into an awareness of His presence and His character. The more time we spend with Him, the more we’ll fall in love with who He is and we’ll find that we crave His presence more and more.
Prayer is Meant to Bend Our Will to His
I think many of us go into prayer with our list and assume this is the main purpose of prayer: to get what we want answered.
And while I think God is very much still in the business of listening to and answering our prayers, we often forget that prayer is also meant to re-align our will to His.
Part of my frustration when God doesn’t answer one of my prayers in the way that I wanted it answered is because I’m trying to bend God’s will to MY will rather than the other way around.
In my human mind, I think I easily slip into this mindset that what I want or ask for is right. That it’s the best for my life or for others’ lives. And yet, we read that God’s ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. They’re much higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). God knows everything, whereas we only know what we can with our very limited minds and perspectives.
There’s a humility needed to acknowledge that God is God and we are not. And this humility should naturally find its way into our prayers when we have the right mindset of who God is versus who we are when we’re praying. I find that if I’m praying about my will and it never shifts in prayer, that usually starts to signal that I’m forgetting who I’m talking to.
And I’ll admit that the concept of God’s will versus mine and figuring it out is often a lot fuzzier and hard to grasp. There isn’t really a one size fits all to write about it or help you or I just “get it.” Which is so frustrating, at least it always has been for me.
I don’t have all of the answers on what it means to align your will with His, and I’m still working to mature in my prayer life. One way that I’m doing this right now is through studying the Lord’s prayer and also studying what we’re commanded to pray for in the Bible. And, of course, praying for God to help me in this area.
I often include in my prayers the request that God align my will to His and show me areas where my will looks different. But be warned: don’t be surprised when He shows you what you ask for!
Prayer for Something Good Doesn’t Mean We’ll Get It
Most of us don’t go into prayer believing that our prayers are “not good” per-say. All that being said, I do think there are different kinds of prayers – mainly, desires vs. needs. And we generally know which we’re praying about at any given moment.
And while I think the beautiful thing about prayer is that we can (and should) go to God with both, I think we come to this belief that a need or a really good desire is something that God has to answer. Because how could a good God not answer something that is also good?
Truth be told, it’s a hard concept for any of us to understand that just because we pray for something that is “good,” it doesn’t mean God has to answer it.
I think there are so many factors to this (and I can’t understand or cover all of them here) but will highlight a couple points I’m learning lately.
One, just because I’m praying for something good doesn’t mean that I’m not praying with selfish motives. And two, even when praying for something good, it still does not trump the will of God or the timing of God. Both of which might look very different from what I’m praying for.
James 4:3 says, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
It’s so easy for me to say that I’m praying for good desires and then wonder why God didn’t give them to me. But the truth is, because I’m human, I have selfish motives even for good desires. I’ve also found that sometimes my good desires can unknowingly turn into idols. I find myself wanting “it” more than wanting God or what He wants.
This can both block my prayers from being answered but also might go against the will of God or His best for me.
At the end of the day, even if I’m praying for something good, it’s still up to God’s will and timing to respond or not to that request or desire. And sometimes, while we pray for one specific outcome, He responds in a different way than we ask or expect.
Truthfully, God’s timing is something we can’t understand or know. And unfortunately, as I’ve learned, asking for something in the wrong timing won’t make it come any faster.
Praying a Certain Way Doesn’t Mean You’ll Get It
This past year, I found myself praying for something good but attempting to pray in every which way possible to see if it would finally be the one that clicked or “worked.”
It’s almost like I was sitting there hoping that if I finally asked God using the right words or phrases or prayed the right thing, He’d give it to me.
And I sometimes felt if I prayed harder or prayed consistently enough for it, that I would get what I wanted. Almost like I thought I could trick God somehow into giving me what I really wanted, or as if He’s waiting on me to pray a specific way before giving me what I wanted.
Through time, God showed me how silly this was. As someone who struggles with letting go of control, this was a sneaky form of control that I held onto. While it’s important to come to Him with our honesty in prayer, I also think it’s important to come with a heart of humility. With fists that aren’t clenched around whatever outcome we’re hoping for but that are held out in surrender to whatever His will might look like. Even if it’s vastly different from our own.
There’s no way to force God’s hand- and why would you want to? If we knew everything that was best for our lives and others’, then God wouldn’t be God.
All that to say…
I don’t think He needs big, fancy prayers – I think at the end of the day, He already knows our hearts and motives. He still moves with our simple prayers, even our wordless ones. There’s not a magic formula to praying to get what we want to happen and when we want it.
That’s control, not surrender.
And if Not, He is Still Good
Speaking of surrender, one of the most important (but difficult) lessons God has been teaching me regarding His will is the concept of “remaining in Him” no matter what.
And by this, I mean that there will be many times in my life where I’m praying for or desiring something and it won’t happen. Or the timing will be much different than mine. Or it will happen in a different way than I had hoped or imagined.
There’s a kind of “staying power” that is developed as a Christian matures in their faith. The truth is, I believe our expectations vs. reality will be a constant battle in our lives. What we desire will often look different than where we find ourselves. And we’ll have to ask ourselves these questions…Do I still believe? Do I still trust Him? Even if I don’t get this or they don’t get that, will I choose to believe that God is still good?
Now this is not to say that we can’t be upset or grieve the desires we have that don’t become our reality. Or at least, they’re not our reality right now. That pain is real, it’s valid. We’re human.
But we can’t allow that pain to overshadow our belief in God and what we believe about Him. About His sovereignty or His goodness.
Ultimately, that pain pushes me to press into God even more. As Paul wrote when asking God to remove his thorn but was denied, “His power is made perfect in weakness.” The pain and suffering I feel draws me to press in further to God – to recognize my complete and total dependence on Him.
I don’t enjoy pain or suffering, the opposite actually. But I do enjoy the closeness with and dependence on God that it often brings.
And this is all part of the process of full surrender to God and His will over your own.
It may not make sense, look as appealing, or make me feel happy in the present circumstances I find myself in, but God is a good Father. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows what’s best for me and what will fill me most and bring Him glory. It may not look anything like what I want or plan for myself, but God’s ways and thoughts are infinitely higher than mine. I have to choose to believe that.
That God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it’s good for him to wait. That He withholds no good thing from those who love Him. That I will see His goodness and mercy all the days of my life.
I have to choose to lean in and believe these no matter what.
It’s hard to really believe this in practice, much easier in theory. But it truly is a choice to trust and believe that God is still good. That you’ll follow Him and He will be Lord of your life no matter what comes your way.
Wrapping it Up
One thing I know that’s true is this: Praying for God’s will is not for the faint of heart. And while it might be one of the most difficult things we do in life, it’s also one of the most beneficial and life-giving things to do.
When God’s will and our will look a lot different, these are the moments that refine us. They test us and build endurance and lasting faith within us.
If you’re struggling through a season of praying for something but hearing a no or what feels like no response, be encouraged that God hears you. That He knows your situation and where you find yourself.
God is still good. It might not feel that way right now, you might be angry or frustrated or sad. But push into Him with everything you’ve got and ask God to help you push even harder.
I’ve been there. I’m still there very often, more often than I care to admit. It’s a difficult place to be, but it’s also a place where I do believe God grows you the most. A year from now, five years from now, you’ll be so surprised at how much growth He’s done in you.
Keep going!
