Have you ever been so worried about making the right decision that you lose your peace, and maybe even a night’s worth of sleep (or several)?
It’s like my entire body is holding in a long, impossibly deep breath that I just can’t seem to let go of.
Friend, I’m there now. I’ve been there so many times. I’m here to tell you that it’s time to let that breath go. Exhale. Feel how your body relaxes when you finally let it go and give it to God in surrender.
The Anxiety of One Decision
It’s so easy to think that our entire life hinges on the decision we have to make in the current moment. I’ve been guilty of this thought at so many crossroads in my life. Honestly, I still am.
And yet, when I look back at many of these anxiety filled decisions that I’ve sat with for weeks or months in my past, so many of these decisions feel so small now. It feels silly that I ever wrestled with them because I can see all that’s happened as a result of the decision I ended up making.
They say hindsight is 20/20, and I mostly agree. If there’s any difference that I have now versus in my early 20’s it’s that I’ve seen a decade of decisions and the aftermath of them. Which is why I think wisdom is so important and such a quality we should learn to cherish in those who have it – whether through age, experience, or as a gift from God.
God’s Will is Our Will
This past month, I felt a strong desire to read through the book of Acts. Truthfully, I’ve read this book in the past, but I can honestly say I can’t remember when and I probably wasn’t reading in the way I am today. It definitely isn’t the first book I turn to when I want to read through something in the New Testament.
And I’ve watched the evolution of Jesus leaving His disciples on earth and telling them that they would have a Helper that comes when He leaves. How the gospel was preached and spread so far and so quickly with His strength and power at work in the disciples’ lives.
And most importantly I’ve read through Paul’s life in Acts, and Paul is one of my absolute favorite people (outside of Jesus of course) in the Bible. He’s one of the most tenacious, driven, passionate, and purpose-driven men to walk this earth.
And I see over and over again, he chooses to put aside his comforts, his preferences and he constantly keeps eternity in mind. Paul always surrendered to the will of God. His first mission was always to spread the gospel wherever he went and with whomever he interacted with.
Paul stays close to God, is constantly praying and connected with the Lord and the desires of his heart are always being replaced with the desires of God.
So What Really is Surrender?
Surrender is such an intangible concept sometimes. We think we understand it, but we often don’t. We question it and what it looks like and how much effort we’re meant to put in. We question which direction we should take or what job to pursue, what relationship could lead to marriage, and so much more.
And while I truly think there are moments when God whispers the direction He wants us to take, I also believe that God inspires our direction when we continue to ask Him to replace our desires with His.
He opens the right doors, orchestrates the right people in our lives, puts the right thoughts or dreams in our minds. He is always in the details, He is always working, putting all of the pieces together. He always knows, it’s us that don’t realize what’s happening in the moment and only realize later on when looking back.
God is already aware of what saying yes to that job will bring. He’s aware of what will happen if you turn down the job and say yes to an unknown endeavor.
He knows if you’ll marry that person or if you’ll end up with someone else. He knows where that dream in your heart will lead to.
The issue often lies in the fact that we don’t.
So we question. We wonder. We stand back indecisively waiting for a decision to make itself clear. We stand at the crossroads waiting for the arrow to point left or right, but God knows which way we will ultimately choose because it’s part of the plan for our life and His will.
I am the guiltiest of parties when it comes to overthinking. But the irony is that I can’t think my way out of God’s sovereignty. If there’s an obvious decision to make, I think that is the right way to go. If there isn’t, then I believe that God is waiting for us to choose – and ultimately He knows which we will choose so we don’t need to worry as much as we do.
I can pray for weeks, months and ask for dozens of signs. But the funny thing about signs is that often when you ask for one sign you still find yourself asking for another even if the first is given.
Signs are not the answer. Confirmation is fine to ask for but know that God goes before you. He gives you the desires of your heart when you ask Him to make sure they align with His and He places wisdom in your head when you ask as well.
The Reality of Surrender to God
One thing I hate about reading about surrender is I tend to find that I don’t ever actually find the answers I’m desperately searching for. I’ll listen to sermon after sermon or read through articles or books on the topic, only to be left with the same glaring decision that I started with.
Surrender isn’t something you can write a specific book or article on and cover for each and every person on the planet, it looks so different and yet so vastly familiar for all of us. There is a huge piece of unknown to surrender – that’s the point.
We can’t say that we’ve come to fully understand it. We can’t even say that we’re always sure we’re making the right decisions. While I’ve always wanted to be that person who says “I had such a peace about this or that” in every decision I’ve made, I honestly can’t say that I’ve always felt a peace in the decisions I’ve made.
But my faith isn’t dictated by my feelings or what I feel in the moment. Some of my best decisions were done with fingers clenched around the steering wheel trying to let go and hoping that what I was doing was the right thing. There was no assurance, no feeling of peace (sometimes there was even-gasp– discomfort and moments of panic).
I’m not trying to downplay the feeling of peace that many people have in making decisions as I’ve had these feelings myself in some of my decisions. What I’m trying to help you understand is that sometimes decisions are not wrapped up nicely and tied with a bow and a feeling of peace.
That’s just not something that I want to lie and tell everyone that this will always be there. And it’s something I’ve always felt like maybe I’m missing something or not praying or trusting God enough if I’m not feeling that like so many Christians talk about.
Sometimes I feel like I’m making a decision in the dark. I’ve prayed about it, I’ve asked for advice and wisdom from Godly people around me, I’ve been in the Word every single day. And yet, the answers don’t magically appear in the sky or on a billboard alerting me which way to take.
But I also feel like this is because I’m the kind of decision maker that wants the whole picture before saying yes. I want to know the entire plan and whether it will work out or not before I step forward. So decision making for me is often more than a simple this way or that way – it’s a painstakingly difficult realization that I can’t weigh the cost in either direction because I don’t know the full cost or reward from either direction.
Final Thoughts on God’s Sovereignty & Our Decisions
Trusting in God’s providence gives us a sense of peace that we won’t find elsewhere. If we truly believe that God is giving us His desires, and we believe that He is completely sovereign over everything, what do we have to fear about our current circumstances? Why do we believe that we’re going to “choose wrong” and ruin things or set ourselves up for failure?
I’ll leave you with this question:
Can’t God use this decision and the outcome too for His will and our good?
Some Verses on God’s Sovereignty as You Make Decisions:
- Colossians 1:16–17
- Proverbs 16:33
- Job 42:2
- Romans 8:28
- Proverbs 19:21
- Acts 5:39
- James 4:14-15
- Lamentations 3:37-38
- Acts 17:26
- Psalm 135:6
- Genesis 50:20
