If I had to choose one year of my life that has been the most influential, most fortifying, foundational and pivotal years of my life? It would be 2023.
And I know that I’m not alone in this. I’ve heard from so many others that this has been a very intense year in terms of growth. In going back to the basics, in re-learning what it means to have faith and grow deeper with God.
And one of the things that I’ve felt compelled to do is to document some of the major lessons that God has been working on in my own life from this year. This has been the biggest struggle to realize that God wants me to share the ways that He’s teaching me with others and what that’s looked like.
The other struggle is actually picking the lessons to focus on. Because, truth be told, there have been far too many to cover in one post.
I’m going to pray over this list and then re-pray over the list so that the lessons that I feel have been truly life-changing are front and center here. I might write a list post of some of the other lessons or just a large list post of anything I can think of that I’ve learned or started working on this year.
Okay, this will hopefully be a shorter post (edit: it did not end up being a short post 😅), but if not, feel free to grab that hot cup of tea, coffee, whatever you feel works best for you. You’ll want something warm and cozy as you read through some of these lessons – the good, the bad, the ugly.
Key Takeaways on Lessons Learned with God in 2023
Now so many of these lessons are ones that I’m still learning. By no means have I “made it” in regards to any of these. However, I want to be able to look back at 2023 (and every year for that matter) and see the biggest areas where God was growing me and shaping me.
Here are some key takeaways or lessons that I learned with God in 2023:
- Surrender doesn’t mean we try harder to get our own plans and desires to work. It means we surrender to what God has for us in this season and for today and we do what we can with what we’ve been given and then we let God handle how it all turns out.
- Surrendering my life means that I surrender my thought life, my feelings life, my emotions life. I give it all to Him, not just the parts that I think that I can’t control. I’ve learned that God wants me to cast my anxieties on Him. And you know why? Because He cares for me.
- Everyday and everywhere I go I should be on mission – to show God’s love and kindness and, if possible, to spread the Gospel.
- It’s important to pray to God about all things because it reminds us of our total dependence on Him. Every hour and every minute we are reminded when we talk to the Creator of the universe that He holds all things and establishes all things. It’s also an active way to be participating in His will on this earth rather than an observer.
- I found there are ways that God can grow us internally and through isolation, but there is a new level of growth that can only come through a community of other believers.
- I stopped believing that sitting on the sidelines and putting walls up around my heart would somehow magically bring me “the one.” I fully trust that God will provide good, Godly men for me to meet and interact with, but I also know I need to be in a healthy, open and receiving posture to say yes to these men that He puts in my path.
- He’s reminded me that I have an identity that is rooted in Him and is not about what I do. He’s given me the time and space to be reminded of this and to remember who I am when the world isn’t watching me or waiting for me to do the right next step on the corporate ladder.
1. Surrender (Daily)
This has probably been one of the most essential lessons I’ve learned from this year. I’ve always been an achiever, someone who is set on getting things done and done well.
And this has been in all areas of my life whether it be relationships, friendships, my career, side hustles, and so much more. Over the years, I’ve come to believe the lie that my effort and my talent has gotten me in the right rooms and opened the right doors. I’ve mistakenly believed that I had to work as hard as I did in order to make things happen and find success.
I’ve also mistakenly believed that my talents and giftings were my own and not a gift from God. I thought it was me stewarding them well and working hard that led to success and favor rather than my obedience.
I walked into rooms expecting my gifts to carry me through and extensively checking through my network and LinkedIn to find connections to get me into certain rooms. I believed that if I didn’t strive and put all of the work in that it wouldn’t happen. I believed that all of my forcing and striving resulted in the outcomes that happened.
Even one example recently I experienced was an event that my church held. I went to the first event at a brewery and just expected that my networking skills would pull through and that I’d meet all of the people that I needed to meet that evening. The emphasis was on me to get the results that I wanted. Actually, it turns out that all of it was about me – how much effort I put in would determine the outcome of the event and how many people I was able to meet.
And even another example with a friend I had been talking to about how she had recently started tithing on the full amount she made which had actually led to her experiencing her highest year of salary and growth. How God had opened the right doors for her and she didn’t have to do all of the same things that others in her industry were doing to win new business or find the right opportunities.
How crazy was it for me that before such a small but important place to meet the community that I so desperately wanted in my new city – I had not taken the time to pray about it beforehand. I had incorrectly believed that me going in with all of the usual skills I’d used in the past and my networking abilities would open the right doors and bring the right people my way. I set out to change this for the next event that was held and ended up meeting a LOT of new people and some of the most crucial people too.
It’s so very important that we remember that yes, we have to plan and work and put in effort to the things that we’re doing. In the areas that God has called us to. But the difference between us and “hustle culture” is that we recognize that the outcome and results are God’s and not dependent on us. That doesn’t give us a pass to be lazy and just wait for God to do the miraculous but it does give us the peace to know that if we put in continued and consistent effort, the outcome isn’t dependent on only us and our efforts. There’s such a beautiful freedom and joy found in that.
Surrendering also looks like surrendering your plans, your desires, your wants to what God wants and desires. If you feel a calling towards a different career path, it’s time to finally surrender your career and goals and trade them for God’s instead. Make sure that you’re praying about everything, that your life is in constant prayer about your day to day. Surrender means that we give God control and it takes the pressure off of us to control everything with our own effort. It means that God is God and we are not.
Surrender doesn’t mean we try harder to get our own plans and desires to work. It means we surrender to what God has for us in this season and for today and we do what we can with what we’ve been given and then we let God handle how it all turns out.
What a relief to realize that my life isn’t hanging on a thread in the hopes that I get everything done or done right. That God uses what I do to glorify Him and bring about the results He desires.
2. Praying about my Feelings/Emotions/Worries and Giving Them to God
I wasn’t brought up to really dive into my feelings or the things that were happening for me beneath the surface. What I was taught was to feel it privately or have pity parties and then to just get over it. Or, worse, to just get over it, suck it up and move on because you have more important things to do and can’t waste time with such trivial things.
And you know what this led to for me? Usually it led to me stuffing down my feelings, the thoughts I had, the emotions. And while at first this seemed like the winning strategy, the problem is that doing this kind of masking or pushing down only lasts for so long. Because whether you want it to or not, these things will come rushing to the surface eventually. Or, they’ll peak their heads out in the most inopportune ways like when you’re interacting with others, you’re working, your friendships, etc.
I generally had “volcano moments.” I felt like I was doing fine on the surface until suddenly things just blew up. And usually this impacted my closest relationships or my attitude or the way I showed up to things everyday.
I also didn’t come to God right away for things. I felt like I could handle them on my own so when I finally did have one of those volcano moments, that was when I went to God. But by then, I had tried to handle it all on my own and stuff it down, but then I’d be angry at God for when bad things happened or when my emotions reached a peak. That is when I went to God and not before when the emotions or feelings were initially surfacing or when I thought of them first.
The problem with this is that there was a subtle pride in the way that I handled things. I thought I was fine when it came to controlling my emotions, thoughts, and feelings on my own. I didn’t need help with it and didn’t need intervention. Truthfully, I probably didn’t believe that God would do anything for them anyways. Pride said I had it on my own, but then when it surfaced and came to light I was suddenly blaming God for letting it get to the point it was at. I never invited Him into them but expected Him to fix things when they went awry.
I thought that I had control over myself and what was happening beneath the surface. The reality is that I don’t. The control that I needed is to turn to God right away when things come up. Rather than ignoring these things and expecting them to go away on their own or that I’d be able to handle them, what I really needed was to give them to God and surrender it to Him. Knowing that I’m not capable of handling them on my own.
And that’s something huge that I learned this year. Surrendering my life means that I surrender my thought life, my feelings life, my emotions life. I give it all to Him, not just the parts that I think that I can’t control. I’ve learned that God wants me to cast my anxieties on Him. And you know why? Because He cares for me. He wants to hear from me. He wants to help me in them. He is a loving Father and cares about the things that I’m experiencing and going through. He’s not just some distant far off God that has no desire to hear me talk about the small things of my life. No, He really cares about that stuff too.
When I develop a crush and can’t get that guy out of my head and it starts to impact my focus in other areas of my life? He even cares about that and wants to help me with it. When I feel angry at someone when they say something mean towards me and all I want to do is retaliate? He cares about that. He wants to hear it and help me remember who I am and who they are and that hurt people hurt people. He wants to give me the strength to love them first and foremost even when someone is rude to me.
What I’ve found when you open up about all of that stuff happening below the surface is this: keeping things inside often gives them more power but voicing them makes it more tangible and less terrifying somehow. What the enemy wants more than anything is for us to isolate and not let anyone in on our pain, our hurt, our fears, our stresses. He wants us to not name them and let them fester in the dark and suffer alone. You know why? Because as soon as we bring them to the light or share in our suffering with God and others, these things are put in their rightful place and perspective. All that we’re walking through can’t hold a candle to the Power, the Love, the Grace of God.
Sin makes us want to hide it away, it keeps us isolated and in fear or shame of exposing ourselves to others and to God. But you know what God says? He says come to me! Give it over to God and He will help you where you need help in it. There are so many times where I thought I’d done too many “bad” things” and that I was too far for God to intervene. That’s exactly what Satan wants you to believe. But God’s grace is greater than that. He meets us in our shame and where we’re at and He loves us even there. We don’t have to “be better” or “become our best selves” before coming to God. He loves us as we are but will help us grow into the most Godly honoring version of ourselves because He cares for us.
One of my favorite verses that I kept seeing over and over again and coming back to was Philippians 4:6-7:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
This means that we present it to God. And that while it doesn’t always solve it right away or in the ways we want Him to, we can find a peace that goes beyond any kind of understanding. He will guard our hearts and minds in Jesus. So no matter what small thing you might be harboring, or even the big things, just remember that you can (and should) take it to God. He cares! He loves you so much and He wants to know what’s on your heart and mind. He wants to help you.
3. Be Interruptible
Probably the most surprising thing that I learned with God was the concept of being “interruptible.” And even more surprising was the way that God taught me this one.
One could say that I’ve always been a very efficient person. I’ve always been about finding the most effective and efficient ways to do anything and everything, even down to doing things around the house or errands. The one exception might be shopping and going up and down all of the aisles but I digress.
I was always so worried about getting things done quickly or done well that I often rushed through the middle – the in between and the journey. I was oblivious to this space between my starting place and the finish line. I was always in such a rush I never would have understood that there was stuff in this space anyway. I mean, little did I know that there was an entire life to be lived here in the in between!
Back in the summer I read Henry Cloud’s book “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.” The most cheesy book name ever for sure, but the contents were short and thought provoking. Henry Cloud teaches how to shift your mindset with dating and how to meet people when you’re out and about and open yourself up to that. I thought all of it was a bit “tOo MuCh” but then reading it and starting to implement some of the stuff I was reading about and practicing it, it changed my life.
And not just for dating. That’s where the surprise came in.
You know with the mindset shift from this book, I actually did start to meet people at random. No, seriously. I started talking to guys at the pool, at coffee shops, at church, at the grocery store. Turns out, you really can meet people out and about if you make yourself approachable and even start up little small talk here and there. I thought I was approachable, but I can assure you that my inability to slow down and be present was directly impacting me on a daily basis.
After reading his book, I started to meet people in person as I said but it also created a new discovery for me that I didn’t expect: it opened me up to more than just talking to men. It opened my eyes to the in between. I started seeing everyday moments as a way to meet not only men but to interact with people in general. These were beautiful, previously wasted, moments to talk to others, smile and laugh with them, place some joy and love in their day and just feel like I was part of humanity again.
There is a beauty to living life at a slower rhythm that I had lost somewhere along the way. Something I never knew until this year when I started this experiment and began to slow down and savor the moments I was in.
This opened me up to the fact that everyday and everywhere I go I should be on mission – not necessarily to find men to date but to show God’s love and kindness and, if possible, to spread the Gospel.
I became that person that started talking to people on airplanes, in the airport, the store clerks, delivery drivers, people in the hallway or elevators, at the grocery store, church, and basically anywhere that people were. Everywhere soon became an opportunity to meet people and interact – whether it was a short interaction that didn’t turn into anything more or whether it ended up in a friendship or a date.
I realized how self-focused I had been before in trying to just go out and get things done quickly. I was concerned with one person more often than not – and that person was me. I hated interruptions, I hated having to be patient, hated lines and traffic. And while I still struggle sometimes with waiting in traffic or in lines when running late, I’ve become a much more “go with the flow” kind of person in my everyday life. I’ve learned to welcome interruptions and delays instead of fighting them or seeing them in the worst light. Interruptions or delays are often a beautiful way that God can grab hold of our attention and or direct us to something we wouldn’t have seen otherwise.
That’s what I started noticing. That God was actually in the interruptions, even if it didn’t feel that way sometimes. When I looked back at these small moments, they were actually big moments. They taught me that there is an entire world out there, which to some might come more obvious but to me was a revelation.
I’ve met some truly great people along the way with these delays or interruptions or “on the way” moments. The journey has actually become my favorite part. The unknown still blows me away when it’s in the hands of God. I start to expect the unexpected and for Him to place the right people in my path at the right time. This was actually the biggest lesson that taught me how much God intervenes in these “small” moments of our lives and can put the right people in our path at the exact right moment. It gave me such bigger faith than I’d had previously for God to step in. I saw firsthand how possible it was to have a life and perspective shift that led to a more fruitful and less stressful lifestyle.
All of that to say, stop rushing unnecessarily. Don’t always avoid the interruptions or the delays because you never know who you’ll meet along the way or the people you’ll have the chance to interact with. You never know what kind of joy you might bring to their lives or breadcrumbs for God you might leave as a trail.
Get to know people along the journey – their stories, how their day is going, what they’re up to. Treat people like people. Make eye contact, say hi to people you don’t know. It can change your entire life.
4. Prayer Works
Before 2023, I used to believe that prayer was a spiritual discipline that you did if you were extra holy. Truthfully, I didn’t understand prayer (caveat: I’m still learning now, I haven’t “made it”). If God was all knowing and all powerful and He already knew what would happen, what good would praying do?
Two verses started popping up all over around me – whether scrolling through Instagram, listening to podcasts, or reading through blog posts. These verses, while I had heard them before, challenged me to really start praying again. Philippians 4:6-7 and 1 Peter 5:7. Both of which teach how important it is to go to God in prayer over everything and that He truly cares about you and all of the details you’re struggling over.
While I was very much working through how to stop emotion stuffing in my personal life, I was, at the same time, learning to surrender these emotions and thoughts to God.
Being honest with God is freeing – it doesn’t feel like it will do a whole lot of good in the moment, but I promise that it does.
I started praying to God and talking to Him like I would a friend about the problems and things that made me afraid or nervous or fearful. I started talking about the things that made me happy or joyful and hopeful in life as well. Learning to talk to God at all times, not just in the bad moments of pure desperation, trained my brain to bring everything to God. The same way that I would talk to my friends about the things happening in my life, I started implementing in my prayer life.
Another drastic change is that I started praying for Godly desires. I started believing, like actually believing and not just “Christianese belief” in the power of prayer. When I prayed for something, I actually did and still expect God to come through – whether it looks the way I think it will or not. I started praying for a Godly community in my city, over decisions of whether to stay or move, for very specific moments and things rather than routine like prayers.
I even started praying over social events where I would be with new people and networking – to guide me to the right people and them to me and for boldness to talk to the people He wanted me to talk to. I prayed over my trips to Target, on my daily walks, etc. that God would put the right people in my life and that I would show His love and glory to all who were around me.
I realized how we can pray even the smallest of things when my small group leader one night blurted out mid-group that she felt like she needed to pray because she wasn’t able to focus. She prayed to be able to focus! Why had I never realized that was an option before that? In theory of course I knew I could pray for that, but why had I not prayed over things like that in my daily life before?
Just as I would talk to a close friend about the things I was wanting, hoping for, needing, afraid of, etc. I should talk to God about these things too. If anything, I should talk to God about them before anyone else. Because they were things important to me or others close to me and God desired to be in a relationship with me.
And while part of it is the relational aspect, it’s also so important to pray to God about all things because it reminds us of our total dependence on Him. Every hour and every minute we are reminded when talk to the Creator of the universe that He holds all things and establishes all things. It’s also an active way to be participating in His will on this earth rather than an observer.
Of course there are so many other incredible reasons to pray that aren’t listed here but these are the main ideas that God taught me about prayer. Of course there are days or weeks where I am a little more distant but I start to push back in whether it’s 5 minutes at a time or even a few minutes in the car. I purposely move closer to Him even when I’ve been distant. And I also leave space for Him to speak to me as well, which is equally as important.
I think another quick point to add that I soon discovered after having many of my prayers answered in 2023 was that not all prayers are answered. To my disappointment and discouragement, I had to admit to myself that I had somehow started to believe that just because I prayed for something it meant that it would happen. And it’s not to say that God couldn’t have done it, but that God often has something better in mind or a different way to accomplish something than what I thought.
Being a person of prayer also meant that I had to come to God with all of my requests but not expect that God should have to answer every single one how I asked it. And that is no small feat for a maturing Christian, or really any Christian. This was a lesson that I was reminded of at the very end of the year when I realized that certain prayers would remain unanswered even when I had faith that they would be answered before the year ended.
Two quotes from C.S. Lewis really speak to me when it comes to prayer and what we desire as well as what we pray about with God:
- “We must lay before him what is in us; not what ought to be in us.” -C.S. Lewis
- “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, and Other Addresses
5. Community is Essential
I’ve always known that finding a good community of people who share your faith and values is important. Of course, this is partially because you just need people in your life, but it’s also because the people that you’re around the most will end up defining who you are and who you become.
That saying that you are the 5 people that you hang out with the most – I wholeheartedly believe that.
But from a Christian standpoint, there is also so much more to community that I think I had just not unlocked yet in my faith. I think that there are ways that God can grow us internally and through isolation or by ourselves, but there is a new level of growth that can only come through a community of other believers.
And community isn’t going to church, listening to a sermon and then leaving for the week. It’s getting involved, putting yourself out there, using your gifts and time to serve others, being in a small group, actually investing into the community. It’s putting yourself all in and getting to know others while also having them get to know you. There’s a level of vulnerability in this.
Being around others is such a great reminder that life doesn’t revolve around you. You will be invited into others’ pain and you will invite them into yours. And you’ll also be invited into their joy and them yours. It’s a beautiful exchange of truly living with other people and intertwining your lives. You learn to ask for prayer but also to pray for those around you.
Another reason that Christian community is so important is that it’s a way to demonstrate Christ’s love to others. All of that work that God has been doing inside of you, this is the perfect opportunity to let that flow through to others around you and it really puts up a mirror to show you the areas that you’re still struggling in or places to grow. It takes you from a “me-focused” type of lifestyle to an “others-focused” lifestyle.
It’s a place of accountability because we have others we invite into our lives, our weaknesses, our strengths, the things we struggle with. It’s learning to love others and live with them, which is something that is strengthened the more that you both love God.
Relationships can be messy. With them, sometimes conflict, confrontation, anger, jealousy, and other types of issues can be present or come up. These are great opportunities to learn how to handle these emotions and situations in a God honoring way.
I love Christian community because there are people that I truly respect and admire that I look up to. I appreciate the kind of life they are living and they inspire me to focus on God and to be better.
Finally, sometimes you’re going through rough seasons or just in a really bad, disappointing season. These are the moments where I’m tempted to isolate but I need community so much more in these times. And it’s the same for others when they need you when going through tough things. I truly believe that community and God together have been my rock in these last 6 months where everything around me has been shaken. When you have a great community of Godly people around you to inspire you and lift you up, there just aren’t enough words to explain how much joy that it brings you.
One kind word or encouraging word can do so much.
I’m so thankful that God has brought me such an amazing group of women to be surrounded with every single day. Women who are in a similar season of life and we can continue to encourage each other when things feel hard or hopeless. Women I can hang out with, talk about life with, be reignited in my faith with. I have single Christian friends who push me to be more like Christ and to believe that God is bigger than the wait or the discouragement that I’m going through.
Oh, and hey, community is a great way to meet a potential future spouse too so can’t forget that!
6. Healing Relationally & Preparing for Marriage
For years, I was closed off.
I may not have been completely aware of it, but I most definitely was a door that was bolted shut.
Sure, I might have had a window open to let some things in, but from a dating perspective, there were deep wounds that I hadn’t dealt with and it was preventing me from moving forward.
I’m not even completely sure when or what the situation was exactly, but I started listening to a podcast called Heart of Dating randomly in the last couple of years. And listening to it was healing in so many ways, even when I wasn’t actively dating or sure that I wanted to get back out there.
I started seeing posts, podcasts, etc. pop up for single Christians and just developed this strong desire to start pursuing dating and marriage and opening myself up again.
As someone who had dealt with abuse and other forms of assault in my past, opening up again wasn’t easy. Because often, God will have you go through something to get through it. Which meant having to face it head on and redetermine my self-worth and what that looked like in God and in dating.
What I found was a beautiful reminder that I am so worthy of love. Not just in dating but in my everyday life – my self-worth is based on what God says about me and not what others have done to me or how they’ve treated or seen me. And just because some men have not respected or valued me, that doesn’t mean that all men won’t.
And that’s such a crucial lesson to learn because otherwise I would keep choosing men who I knew wouldn’t lead anywhere or seeing all men as a threat. (Note: I highly recommend a good therapist for this kind of work along with prayer and asking God to heal you and help you work through it!).
I’ve worked to view dating as less-pressured and more about just getting to know the other person as a human. The purpose of the date is to see if you want to go on another date and want to keep getting to know each other till something further is desired. I stopped believing that sitting on the sidelines and putting walls up around my heart would somehow magically bring me “the one.” I fully trust that God will provide good, Godly men for me to meet and interact with, but I also know I need to be in a healthy, open and receiving posture to say yes to these men that He puts in my path.
If God brings us a blessing before we’re ready, would it really be a blessing?
For so long I felt like I was “approachable” and “open” but come to find out, I don’t believe I really was. I thought because I could talk to people and I smiled at people often that this somehow made me fully approachable. In becoming more interruptible in my daily life I found that others approached me more often naturally. Sometimes I think there was a big stop sign on my face that repelled people from coming up to say hi or approaching me. I wanted to become a safe place for people and someone who welcomed other people in.
I continue to struggle with putting myself and my feelings out there more. So often it’s easy to hide away and think that the things that I do are “obvious” to a man. While in some cases I think this might be true, in others I think I’m waiting for 100% certainty of no rejection or heartbreak before I go all in on something. And that’s just not possible. With opening up your heart to anything, you’re also inviting pain to possibly come in as well. You can’t open up your heart and also protect it from pain. You can guard your heart and not let your thoughts get carried away too soon, but anytime you love something or someone, you risk rejection or loss and heartbreak.
I started developing healthy desires for the right kind of men. The men who were emotionally available and men who were initiating and putting in effort to get to know me more. The ones who were actively going to church and serving, not just Christian by name. I no longer felt attracted to men who wanted to play games or ones that I had to prove my worth to and chase after to keep. That was no longer attractive and I lost interest when I felt it was how a man was. I put more value on what men were doing in the here and now, not what I hoped they would do in the future.
I knew what I wanted, and I started to grow and become the kind of woman that would attract the kind of man I was looking for. Which definitely felt like it weeded out a lot of men that I would have previously entertained.
I stopped believing the lie that all of the good ones were taken and stopped dating in a scarcity mindset. The scarcity mindset made me settle but God is not a God that makes me believe I have to settle. He can do abundantly more than anything we could ask for or imagine, so why would this be too much for Him? He knows me better than anyone else and even more than I know myself, so I could trust that if there was a good man He wanted me to marry, He would bring him across my path.
I also started believing that clarity is kindness. I had always avoided confrontation with ending things that I no longer had interest in pursuing. Since I had also been on the opposite end of being ghosted, I stopped ghosting men I went on dates with. I would send them a text as soon as I knew that I no longer wanted to move forward with dates. No one likes to send these texts or receive them, but I can say with certainty that at least they knew where I stood. I wish men had sent these to me in the past.
I have so much more to learn about love and dating and marriage, but for the first time in years, I actually have gone on dates and feel healthy enough to date.
7. My Identity Isn’t What I Do
I’ve always somehow believed that who I am is directly tied to what I do, what I contribute, how successful I am or how well I can perform.
Performing and success became my way to earn approval and validation from others. It also made me feel validated personally when others could see my worth and say that clearly I was successful. It made me feel important and worthy. Because I think deep down, I didn’t feel worthy without this level of validation. I didn’t understand that I had value and worth just being me and not bringing anything to the table.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love working. I have a strong work ethic, and I’m not trying to devalue that. I think that’s crucial as a Christian to work at everything as if you were working for the Lord, because you are. But I will say that the work you’re doing is a lot less important than how you’re doing that work or seeing it.
I’ll say that again – God is less concerned with what I do and more concerned with how I do it.
While my weakness is often to people please and try to push for more success, more validation, more titles, more pay, etc. God has reminded me this year that I’m so much more than those things. He’s reminded me that I have an identity that is rooted in Him and is not about what I do. He’s given me the time and space to be reminded of this and to remember who I am when the world isn’t watching me or waiting for me to do the right next step on the corporate ladder.
In 2023 I quit my job without having another lined up, and it was unheard of for someone like me who thrived on performing for the approval of others. For feeling like if I made more, was promoted, was seen as a high achiever, that somehow those feelings of worth would just appear. When people asked me what I did, I no longer knew what to say because my work had always been part of me. Who was I without work? Was I still a person who people could value and appreciate even without having a job that seemed impressive?
And what I found was YES. I started healing my burnout, my stress levels, and doing things to build a community and social life that didn’t revolve around work. It was the first time in years that I was able to just focus on remembering who I was before the world told me who I should be. That sounds cliche but it’s true. I feel so much more grounded now having so much time to breathe and remember that I’m the woman who loves the little things: the hot cup of coffee in the morning, the moments when the sun hits my face and I feel the warmth, seeing dogs, enjoying moments of talking with friends for hours.
Most importantly, I rediscovered my love for God. And His love for me. His unending, unfailing love. One thing that I knew for sure and had seen repeatedly in all of the prayer journals I had kept over the years was this: God had always been there with me through everything. I had a constant awareness that God was for me, that He loved me, that He had protected me and guided me even when I didn’t recognize or see that.
I started prioritizing what it might look like to do what God wanted me to do in that season rather than what I thought made the most sense from my rational brain. Everything in me screamed to get another job and keep building wealth, but I knew there was more.
Sure, I had been blessed to be able to take time off, I agree because I could not have always done this. But, it was so worth it. It felt like the gap year that I had never gotten to take – but instead of just healing as a person, I also grew deeper in my love and relationship with God than ever before. And once you hit that level of depth, you never want to go back to before.
Final Thoughts on Lessons from 2023
God has grown me so much in 2023, and I’m forever grateful that He interrupted my busy life, flipped it upside down and made me sit with things that I had stuffed down or ignored for years. This was the year that I felt I went from being a lukewarm Christian to a fully surrendered, go all-in kind of Christian.
While writing this post was so helpful and reflective for me (and took me forever to write!), I hope that it brings you value as well. These are lessons that took a former workaholic and burned out broken woman and transformed her into a worthy, beautiful and confident woman who knew her worth and learned how God wanted to be a part of her everyday moments.
The Holy Spirit has changed me so much from the inside out, and I swear I will yell this from the rooftop because I want everyone else to experience this level of transformation! I’m far from perfect, I make so many mistakes and have bad days, but my life has become truly beautiful. Even I feel more beautiful and feel like I just radiate with God’s love most days.
I want to hear from you! What’s something that God taught you in 2023?
